So, I know it's been awhile since I have posted. I lied in bed tonight trying to fall asleep. My mind began to race, and my Dad came to mind. Tears began to pour from my eyes. My father passed away almost 14 years ago from lung cancer. I spent so much time angry with him because of it. He chose to begin smoking at such a young age, and that meant I would spend my entire adult life without him. Now, 14 years later I'm not so angry. I'm just still very sad. I never really considered myself 100% Daddy's girl. In fact I spent my entire teenage years apart from him. My parent's spent so much time fighting, that it was necessary that they separate. My Dad of course was very protective and as a teenager was far from what I wanted. He traveled to many states, and even Greenland, with his job. It was fine with me because that meant he didn't have to know I was growing up. I did all of my growing up without him. Les was the only boy he ever met that I dated. I guess it makes perfect sense I married Les.
Now, I find myself crying over my childhood with my Dad. I honestly know he loved me with all of his heart. He lost a daughter many years before I was born. His oldest three boys felt I was the replacement and chose to not be part of our lives. It's ok though. I can't miss what I didn't know. I do believe early in life I was a Daddy's girl though. Since his first daughter was killed by a car that hit her, he took extra precautions with me. He went to work every morning after I went to school. He woke me up every morning, got me dressed, brushed my hair, and got me to school. I do remember those morning fondly. I also remember in pre-school I missed Mondays to spend the day with him. We went to the flea market, which resulted in a bunny on one trip, then to the feed store for cigar bubble gum, and then the rest of the day on his farm. I also remember the Daddy/Daughter dance with the Girl Scouts. I think other than graduation, it is the only event he attended with me. However, he attended it every year. As a teen, I hated the overprotective father he was, but know it was good intentions.
I still remember the day my Dad passed. I had a gut feeling I needed to go home. My Mom came to get me and bring me home. I know my Daddy was waiting for me. The next day my Dad entered the hospital and never came home. It was a very sad day, but also a day of relief. I watched my dad fight the evil disease of cancer for two years. I also learned a lot about my dad in those two years. He was at peace when he passed. He had many conversations with his daughter, mother and father. So, I know they were waiting for him on the other side. He was finally out of pain. He was also the Daddy I loved.
So, Daddy's girl? Maybe. The one thing I do know is that Shyanne is 100% his work in heaven. He knew she would be here when I was little. He also knew the right time to convince God to give her to me. Not that I don't think he would love my boys, but he has wanted a Shyanne as long as I can remember. If he was still with me, she would be riding horses for sure and he would have forced her into a pile of cow manure, because a girl is not country until she has stepped in cow manure.
